Tuesday, July 1, 2014

DANNY DIDN'T DO IT







Marion awoke with a start, her heart beating fast and a cold fear pervading her mind.  Had she been dreaming?  What was it that had frightened her? She looked towards her husband's bed.  He was not there.  But she had known he wouldn't be there. 
He had had an emergency call to the hospital and he hadn't come back yet. She looked at the luminous numbers on the clock. Three a.m. The phone had rung for him at 1.30 a.m.  It probably would be time for him to arrive back now.
But what had startled her?  No, what had, and what was, making her feel a wave of terror?  She was not one for nightmares.
 She had not had one since she was a child, not a bad one, that is.
It was not unusual for her husband to be called
out at night, and it had never really disturbed her.  She was not even alone. 
Besides her two children of eight and five, her father was in the house.  He had been living with them ever since he had been discharged from the hospital after his stroke six months earlier. 

She got out of bed feeling the soft, shaggy carpet under her feet as she walked over to the window.  The moon was almost full and she could see her garden quite clearly: the swing over which the children fought constantly; the large tree that they loved to climb; the tiny fishpond whose population had been recently trebled after a visit with her children to the local pet‑shop.
 She could see the sparkle of the water as the light of the moon caught it; and, was it, could it be, a dash of orange?
She looked towards the garage.  Was that a light inside it?  She looked at it again. 
No, there wasn't was there?
 It was probably a trick of the moon. But there it was again.  It must be the glow of the headlights of her husband's car.  She waited, but could see and hear nothing. 
Something within her made her slip into a gown and make her way towards the back door. 
On her way, she looked briefly into the mirror to settle her long, fair curls.  She noticed the anxiety in her eyes which were navy blue , almost black in the darkness.

It was cold and she shivered slightly as she opened the door quietly and slipped outside towards the garage.
It was in darkness, complete darkness.
 But she was sure there had been a light.  She went towards the double doors and found them unlocked.  That was not unusual. 
Her husband often did not lock them when he went out on a night call, unless, of course, he was actually on night duty. 
But what about the light?

She opened the door wider and fumbled for the light‑switch. The low‑ wattage globe cast eerie shadows across the room. But nothing seemed to be disturbed. Her husband's workbench and cupboard were as they had been earlier in the day.
She looked up, and felt as if a cold hand had suddenly clutched at her heart. Hanging from the roof was a rope, tied in a hangman's noose.
She stared at it for a few seconds, feeling that she was unable to move.  She was sure that the rope had come from the work cupboard. But why had it been tied in this way? 
Who had done it? She looked carefully around the garage, feeling a sense of not being entirely alone. 
She walked towards the far side of the cupboard towards the only possible hiding place.
 And then she heard a sob.
She saw him, sitting on the floor, his head in his hands.
 He was trying to hide, but it was not the furtive hiding of a burglar.  This was a person who appeared totally dejected and desperate.
She looked up again at the hangman's noose and then she knew.  The ghastly picture became all too clear.  But why their garage?
He seemed to be little more than a child: fourteen, fifteen, not more, surely.  She could not see his face.  All she could see was a mass of dark curls.
He must have known she was there but he remained seated, his head still in his hands.
The sobbing grew louder.

"What's your name." she asked, trying to sound matter‑of‑fact?  As a pre‑school teacher, she had dealt with upset children constantly. But this was different. This had a terrifying seriousness about it.  And this was not a pre‑school  child.
There was silence.  Neither of them spoke.  And then...
"D..Danny." The name came out between sobs.

"Danny," she said.  "Would you come into the house for a cup of coffee?  It is rather cold in this garage, and I think we should talk."
He had obviously not been expecting this and it took him completely by surprise.
He took his hands away from his tear‑stained face and stared at her with large, grey, troubled eyes.
"Come," she said, walking towards the doors. He stood up to follow her. "Yes," she thought.  "Definitely not more than fourteen.  But why the hangman's noose?  Why would he want to kill himself?"
He brushed his stone‑washed jeans and followed her, strangely trusting.
She sat him down and prepared to make some coffee. He looks hungry, she thought, and she took out some scones from the freezer,  put them in the microwave oven for a minute or two and put butter on them.  They were eaten within seconds and Danny became more trusting.

"What happened?" she asked, gently.
"I...I..." he began.

At that moment a key turned in the lock and the tall, sandy‑haired figure of Dr Robert Goodman walked in, an anxious look in his hazel‑green eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw his wife talking to Danny. "That hangman's noose, in the garage.  Did you put it up?  What happened?"
Danny put his head in his hands.
"Danny," said Marion gently.  "This is my husband, Robert.  He is a doctor."
"A.... a doctor..." stammered Danny, looking up.
"I am a doctor," Robert said.  "Did you use that rope at all?"

"How could he have?" said Marion, interrupting.  "If he did, he would have been....." She stopped, the full horror of what she would have seen suddenly dawning on her.

"Yes, but people don't always get it right the first time, thank goodness," said Robert, and with that he lifted up the boy's chin, pulled open his T‑shirt and felt gently around his neck. "It is very tender, isn't it?" he said.
"Yes," said Danny quietly.  "It is very sore. It didn't work. I tied it wrong or something and I hit the ground before I....  But it would have worked this time.  It will work now I know how to do it."
"Danny, if we have anything to do with it, you will never do it.  Not tonight, or any night.  We are going to take you home.  Where do you live?"

The boy suddenly stiffened.  "Will you tell my parents?" he asked.
"I will have to say something," said Dr Goodman.
"Tell me where you live.  Who lives there?" asked Marion.

"My mother," said Danny, "and my uncle or stepfather, Uncle Lionel.  No one else. They won't really notice I have gone."
"Can we take you back?" asked Robert.
The boy was hesitant, very hesitant.
"You can come back and see us," said Marion suddenly, feeling she had made a connection with the child even in these few moments, which perhaps had become important to him.

For the first time he smiled.  "Okay, let's go," he said.

Before they got into the car, Dr Goodman pulled over a stool and untied the noose.  He shuddered.  It would have worked this time, and then?

Why our garage? he thought.  Why OUR garage?  I suppose it had been open and therefore in easy access.





DANNY DIDN’T DO IT.

218 pages
ISBN-13: 978-1475061871 (CreateSpace-Assigned)
ISBN-10: 1475061870
BISAC: Fiction / Psychological

This is the story of a young boy called `Danny' who tries to hang himself in the garage of Dr. Robert Goodman.  
He becomes friendly with the family and things seem to be going well until a policeman arrives at the doctor's door, saying that an elderly lady and her dog have been murdered and Danny is the prime suspect.  
Written by a Clinical Psychologist, it becomes a riveting very human story of warmth, drama and mystery.
CreateSpace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/3829064
Amazon.com
Kalahari.com




THE TENSION INCREASES…….

Everything was quiet except for the sound of the car engine and the occasional twittering of the birds. Robert was too deep in his thoughts to notice another more powerful sound than his own car could make, until he looked in his rear view mirror and saw four motor cyclists behind him.  
He slowed a little and moved over so that they could overtake him and continue on their way, but they remained behind him. He saw that the cyclists were all dressed in black, with completely black helmets . 
He altered speed, noting somewhat uncomfortably that the motor cyclists altered speed with him. 

 



AND SO IT CONTINUES…..

 There was a fire spreading its red tentacles of destruction through a forest, at times blazing into a massive copper‑colored wall. Robert was trying to walk through it, trying to rescue a child who had run through the forest minutes before.  The heat was intolerable, but the anxiety about the child was stronger.

He started to walk through the fire, surprised that it wasn't burning him up. 
All he could feel was the terror of the situation, the fierce heat and the rising panic about the child. 
He stumbled on and on, at times being blocked by the copper sheets in front of him.  He learned to go through there, to go on an on after the child.
 And then he was suddenly on the other side of the forest. 
There was a crowd of people around someone or something. 
They were all shaking their heads and looking very solemn, saying, "too late; too late."  He ran up to them, shouting, "It's not too late, it's not too late!"

                       ...........................

He felt Marion shaking him gently. "Wake up, Robert, wake up.  What have you been dreaming about?  What is not too late?"

"I don't know," said Robert.  "I just don't know, but I think it is to do with Danny.  I just have a feeling ‑ a bad feeling."

He looked at his watch. It was five a.m.  He dressed quickly, drank the cup of coffee that Marion put down in front of him in ten seconds flat, ate the piece of cake in three bites and was off down the road.

"A dream?" Marion thought.  But Robert was a person who often followed his `hunches' and in doing this, he had in actual fact, saved several lives.
Robert, meanwhile, was driving swiftly to the hospital.  He felt a little strange going there after the ward round, especially at six‑thirty in the morning.
If nothing was wrong he could just say that he had an extremely busy day and had to begin early. But he was sure there was something wrong. He felt it in every bone of his body.

As he entered Danny's section of the hospital he found that there were many members of staff in the room with Danny and his heart sank.

 Could it really be that something serious had happened?  He rushed inside to find Danny in a fever, doubled over in pain, his abdomen swollen and rigid…………..    


                            

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

HOW TO TURN YOUR SNAKES INTO LADDERS

                                             


 “I challenge you to a game! Or, rather, I am inviting you, the reader, to play a game with me, the psychologist, a game of Snakes and Ladders. Now I know you feel you `grew out' of that game years ago, You might want to read no further, saying that you don't feel like playing childish games. 
“First of all, let me tell you that we are going to play the game in a completely new way. We will even change the board somewhat. Secondly, to start to turn our snakes into ladders, we need to look again at some of our childish `games’. You might change, in a positive way, at least some of the things in your life; whatever you truly want to change.” 





How to Turn Your Snakes into Ladders” is a practical guide, operating at many levels. Its aim is to give the reader both insights and tools to live life at a more optimal and fulfilling level……This book contains the result of many years of accumulated experience and wisdom. This is a valuable and practical self-help resource that should assist people …..in a humorous and insightful manner.”  
(Dr. Michael Berk. Associate Professor . Dept. of Psychiatry. University of the Witwatersrand. Johannesburg. S.A.



Although this book has been written in a Jewish context, its words and concepts speak to everyone.


How to Turn Your Snakes into Ladders, was originally published by Targum Press in 1999.  It was then republished by myself on an independent publishing platform.

Two editions were published. One stuck exactly to the original and the second was lightly edited and enlarged.


Just a taste of what the book contains…

FANTASY OUR OTHER SIDE

You are at a dinner to raise funds for a Jewish educa­tional institution. You have been listening to several speakers, eaten far more than you usually would on a weekday evening, caught up on all the latest news, and are feeling somewhat drowsy.
On the table is the card you received upon entering. In the bottom left-hand corner is the number 277. The top left-hand corner, presumably with the same number, has been torn off.
Just then someone stands up and makes the announce­ment that the guests should look at their cards and note their number. After the next round of music he is going to an­nounce the lucky winner of five thousand dollars.
You check your number again and listen to the music. It is a meditative tune, and you let the melody envelop your mind. As the music fades, the master of ceremonies approaches the microphone and clears his throat. He is going to announce the winner! He pushes his hand into the depths of a large box and studies the corner of the card he has taken out.
He makes the announcement slowly and deliberately.
"The winner of the five thousand dollars is….ticket num­ber...277."
You draw in your breath sharply. You look at your ticket, aware that your face has become a fiery red. You put up your hand, quite sure that at least ten other people in the hall must have the same number.
 The man repeats the number. Once more you look down at the card. Yes, it says most defi­nitely 277.
You stand up and move slowly to the front of the hall, al­ready, in your mind, spending the money on all kinds of things. You check the number over and over, and with a sud­den rush of paranoia you look over your shoulder to make sure no one is planning to steal your card and run off with it.
You are approaching the front. People are cheering. You will soon be there to receive your prize. It is almost within your grasp.

But then you come back to yourself, and you realize that you are still seated at your table. The music is still playing, and they have yet to announce the winner. You realize that you did not win the five thousand dollars.
You have been daydreaming, indulging in a flight of fancy.
We all go on them.

Most of us feel that we have at least a few thoughts and emotions other people couldn't possibly have, fantasies we would never admit to, even to those clos­est to us, little thoughts that come into our minds just at the wrong moment.

Our minds have the habit of thinking the oddest things at the oddest moments, things we would not dream of think­ing about. Let me give you an example:

One of your best friends calls to say he has just been given a senior position in his firm. He is ecstatic. His finan­cial problems have been solved. He calls to tell you because you are his friend, and he wants to share the news with you.

 He expects you to be happy for him. And you are happy, you really are. He is your best friend, and you want the best for him.

But a thought creeps in from nowhere and whispers,
 I hope it doesn't work out. He'll be disappointed, but he'll get over it.
And then, shocked and horrified, you think:
How could I possibly have thought that? Of course I want him to be suc­cessful!

And then another thought comes.
But it's a pity. Now he won't be struggling anymore. And we were struggling to­gether.

You berate yourself for your disloyalty to your friend. And you begin to wonder: Was he really such a good friend? Do I really like him?

Yes, he was and still is a friend, and you did and still do have love and affection for him. But very few things are to­tally pure in this world, and mixed with that love and affec­tion are all kinds of jealousies and insecurities, which might be only a very small percentage of the relationship.
They come out in these odd thoughts. Nevertheless, it does not de­tract from
 

the very deep and genuine love you have for him.
 
  

TABLE OF CONTENTS
1
Snakes and Ladders
2
Return Tripping
3
Fantasy: Our Other Side
4
Sifting the Past for Anger
5
Coping with Stress and Tension
6
Burnout
7
Stress and Tension within the Home
8
The Black Depressive Trip
9
Guilt Trips
10
The Victim
11
Negative Words
12
Regaining an identity
13
Disability- A unique Opportunity
14
The Psychology of the Jew
15
Snakes and Ladders Again
16
Bibliography